love in my eyes

As a teen...I don't just see love in a romantic way it's there around the world between people...it's there between my family...my relatives...my friends...be it boys or girls as long as they understand in what way I mean it I'll always tell them I love them...

Today watching a series I wondered about if parents really love us why don't they want us to get married to someone we love...well maybe they are scared...their daughter might love someone wrong...scared about society... 90% of the time it is "what will people say"...

Finding a person through our parents is the same as us choosing a person...you don't know the persons real face until you are married to them...the difference is..when it's a love marriage you have known the person for a while...i mean to be very honest, i don't think my parents know who really me and my brother are though we have been living together since forever...we just tend to hide one or the other things from them and this applies to them too... they must've also hidden things from us...and I'm not saying it's wrong

..it is just simply NATURAL

My parents love me and they love me in a possessive kind of way..to the point sometimes I feel it's too much and that it's gone way ahead of just love...but again I'm their only daughter...they want me happy and i respect them for all they do for me.

As a person who adores and needs her independence too much sometimes I feel like it's a hindrance..Oh yeah "what independence does an 18 year old need?" Right?...they do because this generation is not the same as before....kids become mature even before you know it...some at the age of 10..some at the age of 13...some even before...same story with me.. sometimes I feel that it is too much of control...I don't know if that's the reason I cause a lot of trouble... because i struggle to choose between what i need and what they want from me...i might be a little too careless if I ever love someone...I don't really care

If the might be poor or might be from another religion or caste..if their parents are divorced...if their family is broken... because I believe when something like this happens in somebody's life..there are two possibilities one is to hang on it and ruin their own life and one is to swear to themselves that they rather die than continue living in the same condition...if the person changes for me...is willing to work harder and is ready to grow...i am willing to trust them...if they have the potential to bring up their career only to be with me...it would mean more than anything to me...I believe I'd never fall for someone who doesn't have that capability...but at the end I want me to be the person to choose who I want to spend the rest of my life with and I want my parents to trust me that whoever i choose...I have given a thought about it and there will always be a reason why I chose that person...my parents on the other hand would look into that man's background , financial status,family reputation and many many other things...ask around about his behaviour...just like how an arranged marriage works...and I'd never say they are wrong to do that..maybe if I had kids in the future I would be concerned and scared to hand over my child to someone forever...but I'd never want to impose my wish on them...go against them...and if at all my child's decision is wrong..id never have to hear "it's all because of you"...and I think the same for my family...i know how much my mother adores me...she is a sweetheart and everytime I think about leaving her someday it breaks my heart...if I can I'd take her with me everywhere I go...and so she cares the most about me amongst all the other members in my family...

I don't think there is any real definition for love but for me it is the feeling of knowing that without this person you cannot imagine life...the feeling of wanting to protect them forever...to live without them even if it makes you sad...and for me this includes my friends...my mother...my father and my brother...we are always one strong family...

But one thing I agree on is...love can be the most beautiful feeling in the world...but you never know the next moment you might feel like it's the worst decision you ever made in your life...and it's not like there isn't anything bad happening in life other than love failures...so just like other negative things...this also might have just been fate...the way it was supposed to be...and i think...it did teach you something...I hope someday even id find a love that is truly special...one that my parents would approve of and one in which everyone including me would be happy 

Love is so complicated though it's just....two people wanting to unite for one life they have

After all "true love is not easy....and easy love is not true"

(My really smart friend Eric suggested that line after he read my blog...) 

Thank you <3

28/05/2026

People and their purpose in our life

 Hii everyone!!

hope all of you are doing well and good...it is my board year going on...though i don't have a lot of readers i have a few loyal ones..so for those who read my blogs..im so sorry for not having been able to post more often..

Anyways!today's topic is something that is very relatable to all the teenagers out there...we all are at that point of life where we find friends and well lose most or many of them and then you end up thinking if they were meant to leave why did they even enter in the first place?

i had this experience from 5th to 10th and I lost friends so often that i ended up thinking that i was the problem and that i am the worst to exist and i have a bad character and what not...i always used to wonder why people entered my life when they were just meant to leave after giving me the most hurtful wound ever and eventually i thought it's just because i deserve all the hurtful words and betrayal...A little later i started thinking that they were the fault and that i was "perfect"..i started thinking that if they left it was their loss..some of u might think that was the right way to deal with it...but no it isn't..

i lost one of my closest friends in 7th...she was from the same state as me and when i joined in the middle of 5th in mumbai everyone told me to stay away from here because she was rude but for some reason i felt so bad for her because everyone always bad mouthed her and never treated her good..(no i'm not saying i'm an angel or smt) and so i decided that i wanted to be her friend an year later we were the bestest of friends and everyone knew us as a pair... we never came alone...we were like sisters and always hung out together...The first time we fought was when a girl tried to bully me by calling me dark skinned and uh i kinda did beat her up (i was very young and dumb okay?!) and instead of supporting me she went to the teacher and said i started the fight by teasing the other girl..well that pissed me off and then we had a fight but i was so attached to her that i went and talked to her..she said that she was "threatened" by the girl about some reason i don't remember but i do remember that the reason was dumb and that i was even more dumb to believe it and trust her again! yay!! ever since that incident i always found something odd about her....behind her notebook she had written that im selfish and not trustworthy...there was always something bad written about me in the back door of the bathroom and despite knowing she was the one behind it i decided to still be her "sister"...then lockdown hit and her grandma got admitted in hospital and she was really attached to her...i used to take care of her and always make sure she took proper protocols before going to and after coming from the hospital..i called her everyday and checked up on her...but now when i look back i never got back the same treatment...soon lockdown was about to end and our classes were getting shuffled because it was different section for kids who took hindi and different for those who opted for sanskrit..she had SWORN that he isn't taking sanskrit no matter what and because of her i had also opted for hindi...after the submission of our preferred subject i asked her if she had taken hindi and she looked right at my face and said "yes of course i'm not leaving you alone!"...

The day the list of the students and their assigned classes came out i checked for my name and in the same line i checked for hers too..but she wasn't there...i was so confused! i called her..she didn't pick up and later she calls me back to say that her mom had submitted the paper and lied to her that she did opt for hindi...well yeah! that was a clear white lie! but did i believe her? yes i did :)

but soon after i could sense the distance in her behaviour...she once asked me for maths question paper but i had lost it and she didn't think twice before saying "well yeah i knew it! you always don't have anything...ill just ask my other friends"...i even let that go...but then i started realising that i was the one who always visited her in her class and she never bothered to do so...eventually i stopped going and she never came to visit me and that is how we stopped talking...

After she left i lost a lot many friends...suhana was just the beginning...sometimes i blamed myself for losing suhana and sometimes i blamed her and this cycle continued to every person who left me...i kept blaming my character and my anger...my over attachment behaviour and sometimes when mom used to say "this is why everyone leaves you" i confirmed it was my fault...I used to think why did the person come to my life if he or she had to leave after hurting me so bad and why is it that it is always the person i get attached to the most..I never asked anyone and even if i did i never got a satisfactory answer...i always came up with my own answers and with time i came up with an answer for this too...

If you think back...you will realise that EVERY. SINGLE. PERSON. who ever had a place in your life but doesn't no more taught you a lesson before they left...a very valuable lesson...and along with that they even gave you some good habits...they helped you become better without even realising...she had taught me to write diary and i have been doing it since this day...my diary is my best friend...she taught me that we can never ever trust anyone completely and i would never say she hasn't helped me...she has helped me a lot...and i am always going to be thankful to her...also it is not necessary that the people who left you left with a fight or on a negative note...they just...left...but even that person would have taught you something very valuable...you might have been the happiest with them..you would have thought that they were the ONE...but maybe they weren't...god had someone much much more better kept aside for you and these people were just meant to teach you something so you could improve yourself and become capable of the person you were really meant for...and no..it is not because you are bad or you have a bad character...it is just that your behaviour and their behaviour never matched but you both misunderstood that it did...So, it was obvious that they had a bad opinion of you just like you did of them...

Another thing i would like to add is that you do not have to blame anyone...the situation was not made to be blamed...it was made to fight and overcome...so think back to those moments and appreciate and be thankful to those people for giving you at least a short moment of happiness and making you stronger as they left...

Also always be thankful to the people who stayed no matter what and supported you when you were right and guided you to the right path always...

thank you so much to all my friends who have always stayed no matter what...my true and closest friends...there are some other people as well...i hope you all will always be there by my side..i love you all

I also would like to thank everyone who gave me that short period of happiness and made me a much stronger person...it is all because of them that now I know how to draw boundaries and keep toxic people out of my life and how to never let anyone control your feelings and choices 

Thank you <3

24/04/2026

religions and their contradictions

hello everyone!

i come from 2 Indias....

1 india that celebrates and honours the holy Ganges....and the other india which pours 11L milk into ganga in the name of faith and false doctrines...

also all of the things said below is how i see things and not to hurt any religion :)

Indians live in a country where people of every religion live together and though we claim that all the religions are treated equally that is NOT the case...but today's topic is something different though still connected to religion and people...i was kind of lost about to what to exactly write when i asked a close friend for some topics and this is what he recommended and to be honest it is a topic that is to be discussed more !!

can we take a moment and try to remember why were religions made? why were religious practices made? to make us a better human right? but did we realise that as time went by it has all been about making yourself believe that sins can be forgiven? 

many of us tend to believe that people who follow their religion and go to temples and worship god are often considered as "good" people...people who never lie..people who are pure and devoted and selfless and that people who do not believe in god are often considered as "bad" and it is assumed that just because they don't believe in god they might have all the bad habits to ever exist and the contradiction here if you notice is that in real most of the people who have bad habits like smoking, drinking or excessive lying are the ones who often are those devoted to their religion and they believe that even though they do all this and then later go and pray to the god of their respective religion then all their sins will be forgiven...i would also like to clarify that this is not just about one particular religion..it is about every single religion be it hindus,muslims,christians, sikhs or any other religion...people who are devoted to their religion and have habits that do not really support it give excuses of praying and doing rituals and decide that by doing so they will be "forgiven"...for instance hindus believe that if they commit any sin and then have a bath in ganga their sins will be washed away and there is a similar practice in christianity in which you confess your sins to father...anyway...the point is..if you commit a sin no amount of confession or ganga water is going to save you...in fact the ones who truly believe in the existence of god and are their true devotees should be true to themselves and be honest...that is how you become a true devotee...

Religion was something that was meant to guide people towards love, honesty and compassion but in this generation it has shifted its meaning completely from inner values and practices to outer displays...the practices of confession in christians, prayers in hinduism and fasting in islam was meant to develop discipline and self control but not to change its meaning according to our convenience...for every religion one thing remains "actions matter more than words or ritualistic practices"

and i genuinely think that religious leaders should focus more on this matter and help people build honesty and loyalty in them...lets bring back the real meaning of religion and the practices followed in them and not twist it according to our convenience

thank you <3

14-04/2026

WHY IS LIFE? (PART2) {INNER VOICE}

 INNER VOICE 

Hello everyone!! hope all of you are having good, wonderful, happy and healthy days...

today i want to talk about another topic "the inner voice"...it is the part 2 of why is life...helping you to listen to your inner self...what your heart..your mind says...also shout out to my friend who wanted me to write a second part of "why is life?"..it actually made me feel like my content is helpful and interesting :)

Long ago when i was in 4th standard i remember my english teacher scolding a child in my class for stealing another child's belonging but then after she was done and made the child go back to his seat, she turned to the class and said "before you do anything wrong..something inside you tells you that what you are doing is a mistake...that voice even tells you to stop..sometimes you listen to it..sometimes you don't and for those who believe in lord..it is them telling you that what you are doing is marking a red sign on your profile.." 

What she said that day still has its place on my mind and every time i approach to do something mischievous a voice always tells me to stop but for me that voice was my 4th standard english teacher...she taught us something very valuable that day...about the "inner voice" that could never lead you the wrong way!

I won't lie to you...i still have done a lot of mischievous stuff and even some awfully huge mistakes in my life despite my inner voice telling me to stop..but do you know what i realised later? that i shouldn't have had done it..I always regretted it because it backfired to me...it taught me a lesson every time...and I realised that god really never does let you live life comfortably after you commit any mistake without facing the consequences of what you had done...well not just this is an inner voice...this way more of an spiritual approach..that is one side of this internal talk...now let us talk about it in another point of view!

have you ever sat down and talked to yourself? when you are about to sleep...all comfy and cozy on your bed and your mind drifts back to five years ago to that incident and think why you didn't do "this" that day or say "that" as a reply to the person who insulted you? and then you have a full blown conversation inside your head..well that is what we also call an "internal dialogue"...so research says that it is the brains function mechanism that causes you to HEAR your thoughts by actually not speaking it out!! how interesting is that? and it might actually surprise you to know that not everyone has this inner voice...in a way you are blessed if you do have it and that is only if you know how to control it because uh definitely bed time isn't the time to wake your inner voice (lol)

this voice is like a personal commentary that keeps on going about your life...you are always talking to it...and mostly we tend to attract the negative talks...and we get so deep into it that you often even consider them to be the truth about you.

If you don't use your internal monologue in a right manner it could actually demotivate you and your confidence...so it is very important to have it under control

The inner voice is built in you over an amount of time...now i will tell you about how my inner voice talks to me...i always tend to degrade myself... for example if someone tells me that i'm pretty... the voice in me says "they are just trying to get their things done...you can never be pretty"(why? because my relatives and some random people would tell me i'm ugly because i am not fair in color)...

My grandparents were amazing and i really really love both of them...but you know the old indian mentality...that always hit me..because i was born as a girl no one really wanted..accepting it out loud to everyone is difficult but anything to help you move past anything similar...when you are born as a girl in ur mothers side of the family it is celebrated but from your fathers side it should always be a son..i have an elder brother...and then i was born...nobody loved me really at first and many didn't until the last either...me and my brother don't have a "great" bond..just a normal bond...not very attached or anything...nobody actually wanted me other than my mom and that is also why she means so much to me because she fought for me...all alone...she is the person who wants be to become someone admirable in my life very desperately so that she could throw it to the face of those people who said i would never be able to do anything...my dadu(grandpa) was my only supporter other than my mom and dad in the family...sometimes even if my mom and dad forgot about me... my dear dadu never did...but sometimes you don't value what you have until you loose them forever because all i ever wanted back then was my dadis(grandmas) attention...i would always see her hug my brother so tight every time we visited her...kissed his cheek ever so lovingly and welcomed him into the house...sit besides him and ask him about his life it made me feel so unwanted that sometimes i would cry alone...My brother would say "nobody loves you here...everyone wants me and they don't care about you!" also it is not my brothers fault either because he was a child back then too and he had no idea how his words would impact me but that was when my inner voice started developing because every time i faced rejection or a simple compliment i would think "i don't deserve this" , "nobody wants me" or maybe i would say out loud that "you will realise i'm not that good when you get to know me"...The voices got worse when despite of having good grades in my class teachers preferred kids with "better connections" to be announced as the class monitors and when i finally got the chance after mustering up a lot of courage to ask she made me the "second" monitor again someone who nobody really cared about...I was not really confident to ask why i can't be the one...I even tried to write it down on a letter to my class teacher meaning to give it to her on teachers day but never did because i was scared,,,and maybe that lack of confidence was the reason but because of these incidents I could never build my inner voice in a positive way...but i still try and i am happy to tell you that it does work...i am not saying that now the voice only motivates me...it demotivates me 80% of the time but that 20% is what i try to believe...

My whole life...at least 85% of my life i have been avoided, rejected or looked down on by people because i was "uncool" and "nerdy" and that is the reason for my negative inner voice...but hey!! the truth that i have realised is...IT WAS NOT YOUR FAULT!! IT WAS THEM!...so you are not the one who was bad...you were just innocent...people put their opinions on you before you could even show them your true self...so always try to keep your thoughts positive..it will help you to have a better inner monologue...

Also one thing my brother said recently was "when there is a thought that is really disturbing you...especially when you are about to sleep...set an amount of time each day to think about it...try to come up with a solution and eventually you will grow bored thinking about it and you will move on"

as i wrap up..i would like to say that you always have an opportunity to change...even your thoughts..even your inner voice :)

 -thank you<3

PERSONALITIES

Personality is a word we use very often..mainly while talking about others...you must have heard people say "oh you're pretty talkative", "you're such a quiet person" or "you are very outgoing" etc...so what they are doing is describing how they perceive your personality...So what exactly is a personality? what are its types? and how are they build? i researched about this topic for about 3 days...searched on different platforms and finally decided to write about it...

Basically personality is a combination of thoughts,feelings and behaviour and especially about how they interact with the world...our personality keeps on changing, developing with time and it keeps changing until we have grown old...We learn and look at how other people act and how they behave in the public and try to enact their behaviour that is also called as a personality change or a personality development this happens mostly until the age of 30... but actually it depends from person to person..then we develop something which in psychology is called as "the maturity principle" in very simple words it is said that as people age they develop maturity, agreeableness and consciousness.

now let's dive a little deeper into different types of personalities...

according to psychology there are 4 types of personalities..let's discuss them one by one...

1. TYPE A-  the people in this category are highly competitive, motivated and organized..and not to            mention...complete perfectionists (and i'm definitely not in this category :) )...the people in this category are called "the achievers" because they are always very active and motivated about achieving things..general population studies they are only about 10 to 20 percent!!but obviously depends upon the population and environment..so hey!! you could be one of them too!

2. TYPE B- the people in this category are relaxed and i kind of laughed when i found out that it is about 78% to 89% in students...but actually why stress so much right?..study well get good marks and just play it easy (well yeah i don't do that at all)..in TYPE B category most of the people are not as ambitious but definitely flexible..

3. TYPE C- these people are very very conscious about everything and often have trouble expressing their emotions with others...they either prefer staying cooped up or they become very conscious about themselves in the public...studies say that only 10-15% percent people are such in the world 

4. TYPE D- this category is called as "the distressed"...the percentage according to me would have had gone higher due to the recent stress increase among students and teenagers...although the general percentage is around 21% it jumps up to around 53% including people have heart issues... these people are very prone to isolation and tend to always be anxious...i think i come in this category and i'm not really very proud of it...but the motivation is that..i have help and supportive parents and personality can always be changed...so for people who think they belong to this category...cheer up! you have a tomorrow and a day after to always get better...and i hope you find your help too and if you don't become your own help!

personality type has another famous model which is more popular among people...THE MBTI (Myers-Briggs Personality Type Indicator)

I-  introversion or E- Extroversion

S- sensing or  N - Intuition

T- thinking or F- Feeling 

J- judging or P- Percieving 

* in total there are 16 types of MBTI personalities-

 1. INTJ- innovative,logical people who are independent and dependent on realistic ideas to achieve things

2. INTP- reserved, flexible and imaginative people who enjoy creative ways of solving problems and enjoy speculations...

3. ENTJ- they are logical, efficient, outgoing and usually are great planners

4. ENTP- people who are enthusiastic , loves inventions and are versatile fall into this category

5. INFJ- organized, insightful,, dependable and compassionate..they are gentle, prefer peace

6. INFP-idealistic, flexible individuals who strongly value authenticity and personal freedom. creative, empathetic, and preferring harmony over conflict.

7. ENFJ-empathetic, organized, and naturally attuned to others needs and emotions.

8. ENFP- spontaneous, empathetic, and skilled at inspiring others.

9. ISTJ- practical and methodical type of people who are also dependable. 

10. ISFJ- caring people who often like helping others meet their needs..they are very loyal and committed.

11. ESTJ- people with leadership qualities like being direct supportive good with authority and responsibility.

12. ESFJ- they are supportive and are highly aware of social ways and dynamics.

13. ISTP- being independent, logical, and comfortable with uncertainty

14. ISFP-artistic, empathetic, and preferring to avoid conflict.

15. ESTP-realistic, and skilled at reading people and situations.

16. ESFP- optimistic, cooperative, and highly attuned to others’ emotional needs.

some of the most rarest MBTI'S are INJF, ENTJ, INTJ and ENFJ

some of the most common MBTI's being ISTJ, ISFJ, ISTP

Now that we are done with the types let's discuss how personalities are built!

personalities take a lot of time to develop...it keeps changing from time to time 

we change our personalities looking at our parents first and then our friends, our classmates and it slowly expands to other people as well...mixing all of these personalities you build your very own unique personality...which defines you as a person..gives you an identity...and just so you know..every person has cons and pros...so you're not the only one...even the most "perfect" person you see has countless imperfections...

you cannot identify your type or MBTI just by reading this article/blog...but you need to take a proper test which is also available for free in google!!

so what is your MBTI?!

-thank you <3

why is life?

 have you ever sat down and wondered about why is life?!

not "what"...that probably includes what is the meaning of life...and i think many respected, infamous people have tried and put forward their point of view about it...well my question is different..."why is life?" this could have different meanings to different people...for me it is...why was a life given to you? why were you born as a human? why...why do you exist?

well..im not a huge life experienced person...im just a teen trying to figure out life and experience things...someone who likes to have deep conversations and listen to old people brag about their life experiences...because we learn...sometimes we feel like "oh! i wanna live a life like this too"...i don't want to ever be a person who dies without doing anything...and that's one of the reasons why i started this blog...to maybe help people like me and also receive advices and help from people out there...i believe that as a teenager I've already had a lot of...maybe a little too much of experience of the world than well most of the teens do...and that doesn't mean other teens don't have experience similar to me...and to be honest...i hope you didn't have to go through anything like i did...

okay so now after the brief intro lets get back to the topic...life...it is quite strange...imagine living not knowing what is going to happen to you the next second! it's like a surprise that never ends until you die...some might find it thrilling...and i think majority will find it scary...not your fault...it's understandable (lol)..well i come in the category of finding it thrilling

i believe you are given a life because u were sent down with a purpose for you to accomplish...so for people who think "well we don't fall from the sky"...what i mean is...our birth has a purpose...at least that's what i think...you weren't just born to breath,eat,study,graduate,get married and die...so then what did you even do?! simply exist?! if you are existing... you have landed on a huge opportunity to leave a MARK of your own in this world...where people who you don't even know would come and say "yes i knew this person...he/she has done a lot for the world"...imagine the amount of respect you earned...i'd personally crave for something like that!! either to die for someone else or to die for me...now...every person has a different purpose okay? it isn't also necessary that everyone would have only one purpose in their life...for some it is to create an identity or achieve a position in life and for some it may be helping other people and for some it would be sacrificing themselves for good and for some it is both...just because you are living doesn't mean you are living for yourself...or maybe because of your parents...what if? just what if you are living for someone else?! sounds kinda interesting...

there is no guarantee that "this" person that you are existing for will be there with you from the beginning...they might show up when you're like about to die...doesn't matter... and as for yourself you wait for the moment when YOU will be the main character of your life for once...because let's be honest..most of our life we waste it trying to make others the main character... the point is to be proud of the years you spent breathing...so..think what is your purpose of life? why is life given to you? what is there for you to achieve? to DO something before you give the world your last goodbye and cease to exist without any regrets...

don't forget that "existence precede essence" and life can be much different when we realise what is important to us

This topic could go longer...and anyone who want more about this..i would be more than happy to share what i think...let me know what you guys think..and if there is something that i'm wrong about feel free to correct me :)

 

thank you <3

03/04/2026